In every sport, there are the statisticians that can rattle off kooky facts and use them to razzle and dazzle the public. “Did you know that Joe Namath once drank water through his nose?”, the announcer would say and the football fans would be in shock because they never knew that such an event took place. These savants also seem to have the ability to take their knowledge and do superior things with it. Great things such as win Fantasy Football games. Well, personally, I have been described as one of these people, yet, I felt I was a fraud. I knew that although I write a blog that is wildly popular in the greater Brevard County area, that my reputation was harmed anytime someone would ask if I ever won a Fantasy Surfer game.
At night, I would spend hours crunching my data. Did Heath Joske ever get past round 4 in a left beach break? Is Kelly Slater effective in a 4 man situation as compared to Nat Young? Hour after hour would slip by until I felt that I had compiled the unbeatable team.
Then came the day of the big contest. My team would do great on the first day. Then came bed time which would always lead to night sweats and bad dreams. Tossing and turning. Dreams of being in the commentating booth with my detractors, Shea “Mr. Surfer Picks Smarty Pants” Lopez and Dave Stansfield. Once the camera rolls, they begin a ruthless assault.
Did you know, Steve, that Mick Fanning once enjoyed playing badminton in his first grade class?”
Steve! Which surfer once dated an educator from SeaWorld?
The sweat begins to ooze from every pore on my body.
Let’s take a caller! It’s Scott Higgins…your friend and former Fantasy Pro Surfing winner.
“Why are you in the booth? You never won a F.P.S. contest!”
I awoke with a scream!
Then comes the next day. My team is chugging along but taking some hits. Dion Atkinson can’t seem to hold off Chappy Jennings who is fresh out of retirement. Kolohe Andino is beaten by Wasanabe Yujioroshima from Japan.
By finals day…my team is toast.
On the coat tails of the presidential victory and the vision of better opportunity, I pulled out my old floppy discs and booted up the Tandy Super Computer to take on the task of picking a team for the HIC Pro – Sunset Beach. After hours of analytics, the screen revealed my winning team.
The results: I am have now joined the ranks of winners and can now take my place in the arm-chair commentators of professional surfing. Now when I post on Fantasy Pro Surfing or Fantasy Surfer, the forum members will respect my advice to pick some surfer from Bolivia as their wildcard.
Thank you people of the world. Carry on and prosper!