The Crawl – Winning and Losing

For a long time after my issue, I had lingering effects that would hinder my daily routine. A person would pop up in front of me and my brain would register that much to my surprise it was… Yup! Look who it is! It is… What is this person’s name!?!! Several times this happened with a significant other who would chide me after we walked away because I did not introduce them. I also could not remember numbers. So this meant that information such as dates, and office extensions; all would just pull up a blank screen.

Social events were not any easier. I sat at the table and looked at everyone. I could hear laughing, spoons clanging, music; but no audible words that matched up to any of the moving mouths around me. I strained to pick something up among the wash of sounds. So I frequently gave up and watched the people who sat around me. Isolated in the crowd.

Crying Over Spilled Milk

Doug never handed out many compliments but on this day he remarked how much better I seemed to be surfing since the recovery. He said I had a better style. Since it came from Doug, I actually had to believe what he was saying. There were some changes happening that I could not help but to notice.

The young Steve was very impulsive. Flighty. Spoke more. The young Steve also focused on himself in a selfish way and lacked commitment to improve.

The accident forced me to pay attention. Listen to others. Work on myself.

I have become a constant note taker. So I have become a better manager. I knew I had to really work on retaining information so when I am given some data, I now ponder on it and think about it instead of just hearing it and forgetting about it. My friends now laugh at my ability to remember trivial things like a song from the 1970’s and I am fairly decent at being able to rattle off bank account numbers and other items.

When you can not communicate with people, you have to either lay your head down on the table and go to sleep or you can begin to watch what the people are doing. I have become an observer and I feel comfortable with letting the other person speak while I listen.

My illness royally screwed my life up at the time but in a twisted way it helped me immensely. It really toughened me up as well; which now I must use.

As for Now

Life can be thought of as a long movie. I believe my story has something for everyone. Some parts are joyous and the protagonist overcomes great obstacles. Then arises great struggles and down turns. Even today there are dark mountains to be scaled that separate from something better.

Every protagonist has something locked deep inside him that will help him reach the conclusion of the story. These traits can only be drug to the light through conflict. After growing and overcoming, the conclusion will display him sitting in a far different world. Pondering over the past and how he made it.

He just has to endure a few battle scenes to reach it.





About 1stpeaksteve

Welcome to The Side Wedge! The Side Wedge is a product of the journey through life of Steve Zima. Former professional surfer, a writer, surf coach, and hospitality manager. This is a collection of travel tips, motivation, and stories from my past. Finally, I offer surf coaching through The Side Wedge. Please feel free to contact me with questions if you want to improve your performance today! Thanks for reading!
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3 Responses to The Crawl – Winning and Losing

  1. I’m so sorry you’ve suffered with an illness. You’re doing a great job looking at the brighter side of things in that you’ve become a more observant person and more reflective, even adopted a better surfing style. Keep paddling buddy!

  2. If there is a past to ponder, then we know we have traveled somewhere, moved forward and can greet the day with a smile.

  3. landlockedsurfgirl says:

    Really inspiring in the way that you say your illness helped you. What a positive perspective to take!

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