I am back!
I read posts from another blogger I know who was lamenting about the battle to write when you are down. I knew that I had to stop and write. Write something!
So today I came home and opened up my box of Shoes for Crews shoes. The past few months I have noticed that my shoes were getting very bad. Bad like before bad. I stopped myself and told myself that I needed to snap out of it and buy shoes. Having good shoes is important. A long while back, it was far more different. I was so moved at the sight of new shoes that I made throwing out the old ones a long ceremony. I even wrote a post and never sent it out. I realized that writing a post regarding throwing out a pair of 50 dollar shoes was pretty sad. As sad as wearing the same shoes for way over a year.
People thankfully fail to look down. I was a manager. Dressed in decent clothes. Wearing shoes that barely had cushion. Driving further than I should have been driving. Taking toll roads to make it to work on time. A severed vein spitting out money from my account. Working with a team that cared less about me or my future success. And being hired with a goal in mind and then ignored when I tried to offer solutions to the problems that they hired me to solve. A demoralizing existence.
So today was odd. I needed something and I went online and ordered it and it arrived today. I did not have to plan out every penny in my account and plan out every expense. And double check to ensure the numbers added up.
A lot has changed for me in a very short amount of time. After 5 years of constant turmoil, I feel it almost impossible to accept where I am. It is like when Tom Hanks is rescued in Castaway and he sleeps on the floor instead of the bed. Having something normal does not feel normal.
But finally as I wrote for years, the tide has changed.
I am working with a team. I am speaking and participating and my ideas are being heard.
Sure I am not on the beach. But why be close to the beach when you can only stand on a balcony and watch the rest of the world enjoying it while you are miserable?
So today I am writing my post rooted in now and it is time for some honesty. For the past few years it was more of a charade. I realized that my posts about change and working hard to solve your problems were not ever written for any of you to be motivated. They were aimed at myself. I was coaching myself to get back up on my feet and not to give up. The old surfing photos were put up to show myself who I once was and what I was capable of doing.
Welcome Back Steve.